"The best-laid schemes o' mice an' men Gang aft agley" - Robert Burns, Original Version To a Mouse
"The best laid schemes of mice and men Go often awry," - Robert Burns, Standard English Translation To a Mouse
"He says, 'Be still, and know that I am God; I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth.'" - Psalms 46:10
Well, as the old poet says, planning is great, but life just sort of happens (it's like in school, "write it in your own words"). You dream and plot and have all these plans set for the future, but life is so much cleverer at being unexpected, you can never hope to outwit fate (or God's plan, as I try to remember)!
I don't know if, in 19 months, I'll make it back to Europe. I just don't, because there's SO much that can happen between now and then!
The Mights and Maybes
I might go to Mesa College in San Diego for PTA (physical therapist assistant, to those not down with the lingo) next fall, and not have the money for such a trip. Perhaps I won't have the inclination; maybe living in a new city, living away from my mom for the first time, will be enough change and adventure for me. Or I might still be at the university, finishing my bachelor's and be perfectly able to go just like I planned, or be at SD Mesa and decide I am emotionally and financially prepared for a Spain or Costa Rica trip (my two top destinations at the moment, to practice Spanish!).
The Fears and What Ifs
I fear that if I don't go when I've decided I will (the sort of magical and arbitrary number of '19 months') that I never will. Something terrible could happen and I could lose my chance. Or that if I don't go when I say I will, when I'm 23, I'll have less fun, I'll 'outgrow' it or lose interest in the things I'm interested in doing now and miss out on that quintessential 'solo backpacker experience' that I've built up in my mind.
A person can drown in, "What if, what if?"
The Truth, Yo
Plans are great. They give focus and hope, something to look forward to and strive for. They can also cripple you if you can't be flexible with them. The three Fates in the Hercules movie by Disney (the Stygian witches who share a single eye, relatives of the Gorgons in traditional mythology) had it right, life's course is like a string, flexible and capable of all kinds of zig-zagging.
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| Stygian Witches or "Fates" from Disney-fied Greek mythology |
Every time I change plans, or my timeline extends, or a wrench is thrown in my carefully laid out plots, I learn a little bit more about how I'm so not in control and how I haven't melted into a puddle of goo because of it (it's a fear some control freaks must overcome, the concern about melting into a puddle of goo when not in control). And yes, it might cause me anxiety and, occasionally, temper tantrums (patience isn't my strong suit at this point...), but I also learn how exciting and fun it can be to not know what's going to happen.
It's like it says in Psalms, "Be still," which, in a literal translation means, "Quit striving," or, my take on it, "Quit trying so damn hard to do everything and let Me take care of it for once!"
I just have to keep the faith that everything I dream of I can achieve in time, God willing (it's always God-willing isn't? So hard to remember, sometimes...).
I think Doris Day (and the songwriters, Jay Livingston and Ray Evans) had something going there with "Que sera, sera." What will be, will be. True dat.
Europe, I will be back, and, at this point, I'm going to continue on my course of super-saving (cause a bundle of cash is pretty much always a good thing, in my opinion), and we'll just see what happens, shall we?
Keep calm and carry on.
Photos from: http://fatguy2triguy.files.wordpress.com/2013/08/istock_000007309956xsmall_crop380w.jpg
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